Longevity and Legacy Through the Lens of Black Love
I recently found myself fully engulfed in Part I of Bishop and Serita Jakes’ Model Homes. The sermon, though more of an insightful and thought-provoking dialogue between the two, dived deep into the concept of submission–what it looks like and how (and why) it was designed.
For over an hour, the two candidly shared personal stories about their union. Together, they eloquently explained how humility (if followed through correctly) has the ability to transform how we structure relationships. And it’s with these “models” that one’s identity is often shaped.
As I watched, I couldn’t help but think about my own model. Aside from God, I wondered if anyone else has been an architect to my model.
And then the answer came: Mr. and Mrs. Grant.
For me, The Grant’s are a visible manifestation of I Corinthians 13. By way of their union, I’ve admired just how patient and kind love truly is. For 46 years, the two have selflessly committed to ‘seeing it through’ together. With intention, they’ve built their own unique model–one that works for them.
Graciously, The Grants have shared their keys to a healthy marriage, the lessons love has taught and their legacy. Through their own words, may you feel just how unconditional and resilient their love is.
They are my blueprint. This is their story.
On the first time they met:
Mr. Grant: “My brother and I were on the way to the store when I first saw her. I saw a car coming up the street, and I almost didn’t recognize that it was my secretary’s car. In her car was [Mrs. Grant] and that’s when I saw her for the first time. We smiled at one another...and we just connected. She was different, she was very beautiful (and she still is). You know, all my life, I remember people saying ‘When you meet the right person, you’ll know.’ And I knew...even though she didn’t want to talk to me at that time.”
Mrs. Grant: “Something changed in me when I saw him, that’s why I didn't want to speak to him at first. He made me feel differently than anyone that I had ever met. I knew that there was a connection. He asked if he could have my number and I said no, because to me if you want my number, you'll find it out. If he really wanted to be with me, he would go to different levels to find me. Later on that day when I got home I said to my dad: ‘I just met him. I just met the man I’m going to marry.’ And my father said: ‘Well, how long were you gone?’
On how he found her:
Mr. Grant: “My secretary went to the same church that [Mrs. Grant] did. I remember asking how I could get in contact with her because I was leaving soon for a business trip. A couple days later, [my secretary] gave me the number and told me it was okay for me to call.”
Mrs. Grant: “When he called the first time, I was in the kitchen and I wouldn’t pick [the phone] up. My dad was sitting right there and he asked: ‘Don’t you hear the phone ringing?’ I said: ‘It’s him.’ And he said: ‘Well pick it up and answer him!’ I didn’t want [Mr. Grant] to think that I’ve been waiting around for him to call me, so I let it ring. When I finally answered it, I was so excited to hear his voice.
On courting:
Mrs. Grant: “He never wavered, and he was always respectful. You often hear people talk about being a little nervous around the one, but I never was. He felt like that good friend that I always had. When we talked, we talked about everything. And I didn’t feel like I had to say what I thought he wanted to hear. We didn't have to be honest, we were just honest.”
Mr. Grant: “We wrote to each other every day while I was away on that business trip. I was gone for three months. When I came back with my colleague, he asked if I wanted a ride to my brother’s house to get my car, but I planned on taking a cab. As we walked out the airport, somebody had caught the corner of my eye. And when I took a second look, it was [Mrs. Grant]. She was sitting outside waiting for me.”
Mrs. Grant: “That’s something that I had never done.”
Mr. Grant: “She had on this beautiful dress. And I was shocked because she was driving her father’s car. We had lunch and then she dropped me off at my brother’s. We went to dinner the next night and that was when I had the pleasure of meeting her parents.”
Mrs. Grant: “I put him through a few tests, because I wanted to know how he truly felt about different things. We talked all the time, and I can’t stress that enough. We were honest. Life is enough by itself! I trust him with my life, I trust what he says, and I don’t have any uncertainty.”
Mr. Grant: “When we first started dating, sex wasn’t even on mind because she was different. I grew up in the country and I was looking for someone to just to be themselves and we clicked. One night, we were sitting in front of her house talking and I looked at her and said: ‘ I know that I’m in love with you, and I know it’s early, but I would like for you to be my wife.’ And she said yes, but that was not the proposal, that was just how deep we talked.”
On the proposal:
Mr. Grant: “We went to an Italian restaurant on Second Avenue in Manhattan. The downstairs seating area was brick, with candlelight-- it was very romantic. And that’s when I gave her the engagement ring.”
Mrs. Grant: “He loves to go to fancy restaurants, he always did. So, that was normal for us. When he was getting ready to propose, I thought he was getting up to go to the restroom! Of course, people were clapping... and I was peeking at the ring all night. What I didn’t know is that he had asked my parents for their blessing. So, when I got home to tell them, they already knew!”
Mr. Grant: “When I asked her parents, her father said yes right away...her mother teased me a bit. They both asked that I take care of their baby. Her father said: ‘And if you find out it’s not going to work, bring my baby back home.’ I told him that he didn’t have to worry about that. Come this June, it’ll be 47 years and we’re still here.”
Mrs. Grant: “My dad used to always say: ‘That’s a good guy you got there!’ Even with my dad, he had a connection. [Their marriage] was just supposed to be. God sent me down that street on that day, and it wasn’t a street I was used to being on.”
On marriage:
Mr. Grant: “Everyday is a new day. You’re still learning, and respecting each other.”
Mrs. Grant: “Our marriage wasn’t supposed to last, folks said we weren’t going to last. They didn't like his eyes because they were light. They said that people with green eyes were sneaky. That’s why I think our home became such a wonderful place for us. Even during the times that we didn’t have much money. We used to save food from dinner and after we put the kids to bed, we would lay in the living room on a blanket and have a picnic. Those were some of the best times! We’ve stayed up in Trump Towers...sorry about that! But all those fancy times never compared to those moments at home.”
Mr. Grant: “We had disagreements, but we talked about it. We never fought...or cussed at one another, none of that. Never.”
Mrs. Grant: “Yes, no name-calling, even when we disagreed, we made sure to smile in front of the kids. And then later on we went into our room, turned on the radio and sat on the bed to talk it out.”
On maturity and the power of partnership:
Mr. Grant: “She made me a better man. Truly. Who I am I owe to God and her. Marriage is not a book that you can just read a few chapters and say: ‘OK, I got it!’ When you truly love and respect one another, it's always a learning process.”
Mrs. Grant: “He made me recognize my self-worth. I was a complete people pleaser and I still am. He used to always say that I would go running for somebody else but what about myself? Those were questions that my inner self had never heard. I had somebody that really and truly cared and saw my needs. God made a way for him to see me on the inside. He made me stronger and wiser...even in my walk with God.”
On defining love:
Mr. Grant: “How do I define love? It’s when I look at my wife, it’s all wrapped up in that package.”
Mrs. Grant: “It's a deeper feeling that almost can't fully be described. It’s not temporary. It’s there even when he leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor, or the toilet seat up!”
Mr. Grant: “I was always able to put a sparkle in her eyes. When I look into her eyes, if she’s sad… I know that, too. But I always look for that sparkle.”
Mrs. Grant: “He’ll say: ‘Oh, no! I don’t see that sparkle.’ And he’ll try to always bring it back. So, whether that’s helping me with my medicine or making me breakfast...all that is love.”